I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
