I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
