talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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