It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
