That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
