there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
