just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
