I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
