the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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