i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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