you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
