i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
