Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
