i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
