If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
