Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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