I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Randomize
