i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
