i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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