did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
