update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
