I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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