My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
