you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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