I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
