this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
