I'm drive I can fine osifer
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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