I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Two words: nipple clamps
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