Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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