I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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