dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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