I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
