I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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