DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
