he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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