You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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