Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
