if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
