i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
