He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
