OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
