TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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