he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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