I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
