Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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