So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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