if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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