I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
