i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
