I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
4 words: hood of his car
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
